


Four Hunters Walked into a Bar, and...

by YurikoNeko (AlaxxisSade)



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Alcohol, Crack, Crossdressing, Gen, Underage Drinking, drama cd style
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-24
Updated: 2015-02-24
Packaged: 2018-03-14 22:38:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3428099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlaxxisSade/pseuds/YurikoNeko
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pure crack on a request, written in drama CD form because honestly, that's the only form of pure crack in the HxH universe. Everything else gets depressing. Awesome. But still kinda depressing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Four Hunters Walked into a Bar, and...

It’s been more than year since all four of them got together, and anyone would agree that that demands a celebration…

Leorio                   : A celebration means booze! Parties! Women! To the bar!

Kurapika              : I don’t think Gon and Killua are old enough to get in yet…

Gon                       : Eh? But I thought that with the Hunter’s License, you can go anywhere?

Killua                     : [mutters] Not like I need one to get where I want…

Kurapika              : B-but, would it be fun for you guys there? I don’t think you’re interested in beer or women…

Leorio                   : [spews drink]

Killua                     : Heyy, what do you mean? I’ve been drinking since I was four! And this guy here— [grabs Gon’s shoulder] –is a real lady killer, you know!

Leorio                   : [chokes]

Kurapika              : A-ah, is that so… [face twitches] But… um… do you like drinking? As in, do you actually enjoy it?

Killua                     : …To be honest I prefer sodas and parfaits.

Kurapika              : And Gon? Do you like… meeting ladies?

Gon                       : Hmm? Yeah! Of course I do!

Leorio                   : [crashes]

Gon                       : But I thought today we were going to hang out together, just the four of us, so it doesn’t really matter… Eh? Leorio? What happened to you?

Kurapika              : Gon… [smiles, softly] You’re right, as usual. [claps hands] Okay, then, let’s go!

Leorio                   : Eh. Ah. Sorry. Where?

Kurapika              : To the bar!

 

[At the bar]

Leorio                   : [drains mug and smashes it into counter] Bartender! Another!

Killua                     : [sips cocktail] You sure drink a lot, don’t you, old man?

Leorio                   : Of course! A bit of alcohol when you’re young helps your system! [hiccup] And you’re one to speak, isn’t that your… fifth? Sixth drink?

Killua                     : Eighth, actually. This Strawberry Sunday is pretty good.

Leorio                   : [reads from menu] Strawberry syrup, sparkling water and 40% vodka… [gulps] Are you sure you’re okay?

Killua                     : Eh? This is nothing, we Zoldycks are trained to not get drunk even if you stuff pure ethanol down our throats.

Leorio                   : That’s not even a question of getting drunk anymore…

Killua                     : We won’t die, either.

Gon                       : Eh? You can die from drinking beer?

Leorio                   : It’s called alcohol poisoning… But forget that for now, don’t tell me you finished that whole bottle by yourself?!

Gon                       : Oh, I wasn’t supposed to? Oops, hehe… Mister, sorry, can you get me some more? In cups this time.

Killua                     : You’re missing the point… Never mind, common sense doesn’t apply to you.

Gon                       : Eh? What do you—Oh, thank you!

Killua                     : Hold on, don’t finish it yet! Here, cheers!

Gon                       : Ah, okay! Cheers!

[clinks glass, both finish drinks in one gulp]

Leorio                   : [mumbles] And here I was thinking half the fun of drinking is watching the little tykes get drunk… Come to think of it, Kurapika has been pretty quiet. Hey,Kurapika!

Kurapika              : …Weo…lio?

Leorio                   : … [sniggers] Killua, Gon, get over here!

Killua                     : What’s u—Whoa! His face! His face is all red!

Gon                       : Uwaaa you’re right, like a tomato!

Killua                     : Can I something on it, I’m so drawing something on it, hey, Leorio, lend me a pen!

Leorio                   : Now, now, little kids shouldn’t be so naughty… [unzips bag and uncaps pen] Let the adults go first. [sniggers]

Gon                       : A heart there, a diamond there—Ta-da! He looks like Hisoka!

Killua                     : Minus the pervy look. Nahh, it doesn’t work, he looks too girly.

Gon                       : With his cheeks all red like that… you’re right…

Leorio                   : …Are you thinking what I’m thinking?

All                           : [sniggers]

Kurapika              : U-uh? W-what’s…Where are we… What are you…

Killua                     : Leorio! Hold him still!

Leorio                   : I-I’m trying…

Gon                       : Are you sure? Those clothes you borrowed from the onee-san over there look kinda tight…

Killua                     : That’s the whole point. And that’s an onii-san, not an onee-san.

Leorio                   : Okay, let’s have a look. Pfft… Hahahahaha! Take a picture! Killua, take a picture!

Killua                     : O-okay… Hahahahaha!

Kurapika              : H-huh…?

Killua                     : Kurapika! Turn around!

Kurapika              : Oh… okay.

Leorio                   : Make a cute pose!

Kurapika              : …Okay.

Gon                       : Kiss Leorio!

Leorio                   : …WHAT?

Killua                     : HAHAHAHAHA!

Kurapika              : Nn… okay.

Leorio                   : No, wait, don’t come close, no, stay away, no--!

[camera click]

Killua                     : …That picture will definitely get him expelled from medical school if it got out.

 

 

[Take Two]

Killua                     : Hmm, as I thought, Alluka’s clothes are a bit small on him…

Gon                       : Really? But I think he looks cute!

Killua                     : But of course, my sister has great taste in clothes!

Leorio                   : Right now he looks like a one-way ticket to prison, though… Hisoka would like that.

 

[In a corner]

Illumi                     : Nee, they’re talking about you.

Hiisoka                  : I know. [sips] Personally, I prefer the first one.

Illumi                     : I thought so.

[short silence]

Illumi                     : By the way, no matter what you put into my drink, you know it won’t have any effect on me.

Hisoka                   : Is that so? Too bad. It’s my secret recipe, I was thinking you might like to see the world the way I do.

Illumi                     : You’re kidding, right.

Hisoka                   : Of course.

[both sip]

Illumi                     : If you’re not kidding, you can try that on those kids over there.

Hisoka                   : Including your brother?

Illumi                     : Go ahead, he’s trained the way I was.

Hisoka                   : And you’ll break my arm before I can put it into his cup, right.

Illumi                     : Of course.

[silence]

Hisoka                   : Maybe some other day then.


End file.
